Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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