I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
