also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
