i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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