I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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