Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
