if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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