I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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