im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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