Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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