I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
