I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.