as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick