I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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