She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i want to swaddle you in tequila
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug