I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
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He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
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I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016