1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
