I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
