I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
