i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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