mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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