i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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