so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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