Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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