Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
