would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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