She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
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I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
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although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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