mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
