Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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