direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
