Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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