I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
