Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
