I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
