And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
