While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
