I love having hate sex.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Pants are for mortals
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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