you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
