its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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