from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
