dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
