You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
