apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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