he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
