he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
