i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
