eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
