Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
