i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
