My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
