I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
