if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
