I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
