My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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