Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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