Pregnant stripper...not hot.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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