I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
