Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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