I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
