Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
