During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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