I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize