I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
