She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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