You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
