i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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