Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
