can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
