Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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